Former coach launches bid for president

Irving—Retired Irving coach Ron Alvey has added another ambition to his lengthy resume: president of the United States.

The self-declared 2028 presidential candidate, known locally for his outgoing personality, trail-running and colorful storytelling, says he is entering the race years ahead of schedule with confidence and enthusiasm. He hopes to secure victory through early and decisive action.

Early bird gets the worm  

While Alvey initially started his political career running for Irving mayor, his bid was cut short due to a minor oversight.  

“On my cards I made, I put Irving Mayor 2026, President 2028,” Alvey said. “I didn't know you couldn't run for Irving mayor and president at the same time. If I continued with that, I would be disqualified to run for president.”

Alvey and his team of campaign experts anticipate he will be one of the strongest contenders for president in the upcoming election. Alvey predicts that if California Gov. Gavin Newsom does not file to run by January 2028, he will likely cinch the Democratic nomination himself.

“Nobody that's read [my] profile or platform wants to run against [me],” Alvey said. “I'm too nice and my resume is freaking unbelievable. You ought to see my two gorgeous ex-wives. Why do you think everybody in Irving loved me? They didn't love me. They love my gorgeous wives.” 

While adored by women throughout Irving, Alvey has yet to find his third First Lady.

Campaigning with Peaches

Joining Alvey on the campaign trail is Peaches, his 6-year-old Goldendoodle, whom he jokingly describes as both future first lady and vice president.

Peaches is a proven asset to the campaign. A master diplomat, she has secured the votes of many local athletes. She is often seen alongside Alvey conducting a grassroots campaign on footpaths in Cedar Ridge Preserve and in the waters of Lake Grapevine.

Alvey’s athleticism and leadership skills recently guaranteed him a spot in attendance at Irving’s Athletic Hall of Fame ceremony. During the induction, Peaches acted as wingman for the runner in search of his mate.

“Well, I'm single but I don't want to be single,” Alvey said. “I'm too nice, and I'm looking for some lady with a lot of confidence. I asked 30 people to go to the Hall of Fame induction with me. I got Peaches groomed because I knew I wouldn't get a date. 

“Girls, I have Peaches. I don't want to be single. I'm fun. I'm friendly and you better have a lot of confidence if you want to talk to me.”  

While his reputation as the Casanova candidate acts as an obvious draw for many discerning voters, Alvey reports that it has also directed criticism toward his campaign. Part of his plan to avoid future scandal relies on his tried-and-true method of blaming it on the dog.

“I've got a really bad rep and I understand why,” Alvey said. “[Peaches] has like 15,000 pictures and most of them are with gorgeous girls. People think that I shouldn't be doing that. Well, that's my personality and I'm not going to change my personality for anybody. So, that's another reason why I'll be president. I'm super nice, and I got a hell of a resume.”  

Going the distance

Regular runners on Katy Trail, and other hiking hotspots throughout the metroplex, may have recently crossed paths with the next president.      

“When I told everybody I was running for Irving Mayor, all the runners run by and they say, ‘Coach for Mayor!,’” Alvey said. “Now they’ve finally understood that I dropped out of the mayor’s race, and they all give Peaches hi-fives going by, and they say, ‘Coach for President!’”

While it has been 76 years since his birth in Odessa, Alvey says his true age is closer to 49. 

“I was a long-distance runner for 50 years, and I was a serious trail runner,” Alvey said. “All of those runners on Saturday, I say, ‘Pick it up, you big babies!’ And they know why, because they know I was a trail runner.”  

Tax the rich, feed the poor

Along with world peace and fostering a greater understanding of systemic racism, one of Alvey’s first priorities when elected is ending starvation.

“The World Hunger Organization already has the program,” Alvey said. “We just need to get some dollars in there. I'm talking about from you, but mainly the freaking billionaires. They don't pay their freaking share of anything. That's top on my list.

“My number two is Citizens United. The Republicans got it overturned because they wanted all their billionaire friends to own America: Trump and Musk and all those.

“I send messages to them every day and I say, ‘Hey, it's time to change and you need to be the first one to support me.’ Because if I become president, I'm going to identify all y'all, and I'm going to say, ‘Protest at their house.’”

The nominee-to-be also supports recycling. For his campaign slogan, Alvey has borrowed the well-known slogan from Grapevine’s Center of Unity: "free of judgment, full of love."  

Eyes on the prize

Drumming up votes is no easy task. Alvey has recently campaigned in Irving, South Lake, Fort Worth and Duncanville. Through these efforts, he has already seen support begin to swell, “inch by inch.” 

The candidate’s hopes for the future are high and he looks forward to hurdling any obstacles that may lie ahead. In the meantime, Alvey will just keep on running.